I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
