I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
