party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
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