When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize