I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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