You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
