What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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