she was so not down for the gang bang
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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