i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Randomize
