I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
