I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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