i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
