Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
