wanna go halves on a baby?
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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