Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
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