I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize