but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
