I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
