i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize