I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
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