Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
