he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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