I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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