woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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