Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
