New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
