hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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