Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Randomize
