so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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