it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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