In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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