Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
