Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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