He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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