i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I looked at my own cervix.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Randomize
