you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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