Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
