Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
