i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
