I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Randomize
