smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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