drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
