She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
