The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Randomize
