my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Randomize
