It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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