When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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