i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Randomize
