she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
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