Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
