Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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