Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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