Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize