How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
