Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
i wish my penis had a tongue
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
