He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
