he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Randomize
