This dress was meant to end up on your floor
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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