I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
