I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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