he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Randomize
