You don't have asthma, your pregnant
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
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