he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
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