and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
