I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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