My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
